


The Twelfth Division Kaiju Match

by Heartofaquamarine



Category: Bleach
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-12
Updated: 2019-05-12
Packaged: 2020-03-02 08:41:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,018
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18807670
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Heartofaquamarine/pseuds/Heartofaquamarine
Summary: In which Orihime doesn't give up on her dreams, with surprising results.





	The Twelfth Division Kaiju Match

The Captains arrived at the scene of the battle quickly. It wasn't exactly hard to spot; enclosed in a massive barrier by Hachigen and Tessai, the barracks of the Twelfth division were almost completely destroyed by the battle. Smoke and debris filled the air, but Mayuri's spirit pressure could be felt even through the barrier, and the sound of his huge, caterpillar baby bankai crying echoed through the streets. The division's shinigami and scientists stood outside, all seriously considering being anywhere but here given the sheer scale of the destruction, but their presence was required.  
  
By the laws of the Thirteen Squads, a viable method of becoming a captain was, after all, defeating a current captain in a fight to the death in view of at least two hundred members of their division.

Various powerful figures standing around the edges kept the hapless division from running away. Urahara made cheerful small talk with various officers and scientists who knew exactly who he was and were both terrified of him and really curious about his opinion on their current projects, while occasionally new people were added to the circle in a burst of shunpo as the Goddess of Flash played catch and release with anyone trying to sneak away.  Kurosaki Ichigo sat cross-legged as close to the barrier as he could, Chad and Ishida right behind him, staring at the battle within the barrier so intently that his spirit energy was crumbling the stone wall he sat on. Neither of his companions noticed; Chad's face was set in worry, while Ishida had a grin that could rival Zaraki's for some reason.  
  
Captain Hirako, noticing a familiar pulse of power, landed next to his fellow Vizard Love, who was relaxing on a flat roof a bit outside the fight in a reclining chair, and a wide collection of human world soft drinks and snacks spread out on a picnic basket. He raised an idle hand to welcome the blond. "Yo, Shinji. Want a drink?"  
  
Hirako, torn between his duties as a Captain in a clear emergency situation and his other role as a lazy bastard, decided to compromise by accepting the drink and slurping it in a dignified, captainly manner. "The hell's going on Love? Someone finally decide to murder Mayuri?"  
  
He glanced around, checking off suspects. It was no good working out who would want to kill Mayuri; that catagory filled the majority of people who had ever heard of him, and certainly everyone who had ever interacted with the man, so without an indication of motive he was forced to search for alibis. Hiyori was outside the barrier, nearly as close as Ichigo, shouting abuse in what he recognised as a supportive way (for her). Urahara and friends were outside too, the various Captains were obvious spikes of power throughout the crowd as they arrived (Thirteenth Captain Kuchiki made a beeline for Ichigo, and was currently smacking him with her sword while they shouted things Hirako couldn't hear at each other). But who was missing?  
  
Briefly, through the cinematically dramatic haze of the battle, an arm rose up. It was huge. It was gigantic. It was metal. It was, unmistakably, a...  
  
"GIANT ROBOT!" screamed Mashiro as she arrived next to her fellow Vizards, pointing at it, eyes wide. "It's a giant robot oh wow it's just like Sentai ohwowohyeahIwannagoIwannagiantrobotsoIcanreallybeSuperMashiro..." She hurriedly pulled off her black robes, revealing her superhero bodysuit underneath. She grabbed Love by the collar and hoisted him up from his chair. "Who's piloting it Love? Where's it from? Who do I need to beat up to get one? Huh? Huh? Huh?"  
  
Shinji and Kensai meanwhile were too busy staring at the robot as it bit by bit became visible. The pilot was obvious once you saw it in full; sheets of orange metal hung from the head, styled to look like long straight hair. On the torso, one large, round lump, right where a breast would be, stood next to bizarrely an empty hole. Tank tracks whirred as the robot wrestled with the giant baby monster that was Mayuri's bankai. But the real kicker was the six rods of metal, painted light blue and arranged like a snowflake, standing in for hairclips. 

"Holy shit it's that weirdo girl who stole Hachi" said Mashiro, staring up at the giant robotic visage of Orihime Inoue. Shinji said something about her being his first love but Mashiro wandered forward, spilt between her admiration of giant robots and her jealousy that Orihime got to pilot one. She bounced up and down, her jumps nearly putting her level with the top of the barrier. As she came down she pointed excitedly. "Look! It's got a massive gatling gun!"  
  
It was true. The gun swilved, tracking the bankai, and as it opened its mouth to cry again, a hail of bullets tore through its entire body. A small figure appeared, running along the rooftops towards the giant mech; Mayuri had sacrificed his bankai in order to provide an opening for him to attack the mecha himself. If he got inside, or got his poison inside, he would win.  
  
But it wasn't to be. With a rumble and then a blast, the robot's single breast launched itself into the air, revealing itself to be a cunningly disguised missile (which did explain where the other one went at least), which snaked through the air towards the Captain. Mayuri disappeared in a flash of flash step, appear above the robot's head, sword held aloof ready to strike. But the robot had one final trick. It's eyes glowed, and two blasts of energy that could only be referred to as "destructo-beams" tore though the Captain's body, the right eye's blast piercing his torso and the left obliterating his head.  
  
As his spiritual energy disappeared and Hachigen and Tessai added new powers to clean out the poison, dust and ash inside the barrier, the new Captain of the Twelfth division looked up at a drawing, pinned above her cockpit's set of monitors, and grinned.  
  


Her future self was exactly what she always knew it would be.

**Author's Note:**

> I reread the manga and saw Orihime's picture of her future self, and thought "hey. I bet that would need an awesome amount of technical and scientific skill. Perfect for twelfth!" and then decided to combine this with my on-going desire to kill off Mayuri.
> 
> Love is here because I had the unrelated mental image of him relaxing with a picnic basket. Then I realised that there's no way "I am 1000% a super sentai fangirl" Mashiro couldn't be involved.
> 
> Other than that, I have no idea. This was a very dumb joke but I hoped you enjoyed it.
> 
> Picture of her future self for reference. http://orig00.deviantart.net/732e/f/2010/122/9/b/orihime_my_future_self_by_thekitkatkid.png


End file.
